taz. artsy.stuff. 4
they think you are 0 or 1. identity is always binary. you are one or the other. a girl or a boy. you've got that really rare condition [did] or you don't, and it's always the doctors that decide.
about me, they disagree, but it doesn't matter : you have it or you don't. you probably don't, stay normal, stay as doctors decided you were.
reality is always spectrum, but doctors hate spectrums. yes or no. black or white. Zekrom or Reshiram. good or bad. it's ironic, it's me who's supposed to have black and white thinking. perfect or pathetically boring. worth living or not.
"ni l'un ni l'autre, bâtard [...] je suis, j'étais, et resterai, moi, ni l'un ni l'autre" - Stromae, Bâtard
i say no. i say fuck that, i'm better living in between. non-binary. weirdly mentally ill, half dissociated.
here are some pics of Taz. she's kind of a part of me, a fragment, an alter, a character, it doesn't matter. it's just taz, she saved my life more than once, she causes troubles sometimes, i love her always.
:P
[if you want more info :
i'm diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (i've got a good medical follow-up care, it's under control even if it's painful).
to sum it up, it's a disorder mainly caused by trauma during childhood. it's a pattern of instability in pretty much every aspect of your life. it's painful and disabling every day.
symptoms are (you have to have at least 5 to be diagnosed) :
1. deep fear of rejection, abandonment, loneliness
2. unstable relationships, development of a "favorite person", alternance between extreme idealisation and devaluation
3. strong and persistent identity disturbance
4. potentially self-damaging impulsivity (problems with food, money spending, addictions, relationships, ...)
5. self-harm or suicidal ideation
6. extreme mood swings (included : rare emotions, such as euphoria, dysphoria, depressive crises, silent anxiety crises, ... !!), often caused by interpersonal issues
7. chronic feeling of emptiness / lack
8. rage crises (don't have this one at all !! :))
9. dissociation, especially under stress
the question is, do i have another disorder, a dissociative one ? my therapist says yes, my psychiatrist says no. my therapist have seen one alter front, my psychiatrist didn't... anyways, my bpd diagnosis was important to me (for a lot of reasons), this one is not that important... plus, scientific theories says that bpd and did are just two stages of the same illness (to make it simple), and i might just be in between.]